Domestic violence takes place between people who live together. Typically, this will be people in a relationship, such as husbands and wives, former partners and children. While there are many forms of Domestic violence and abuse, they fall into two categories: Physical and Non-physical / Coercive Abuse.
Physical
Hitting, pushing, burning, or any action that causes physical injury
Sexual violence – forcing a person into having sex, taking part in any unwanted sexual act, and rape. Unconsented sex, even in a marriage, can be defined as rape
Using any kind of force to stop a person from leaving the home, or restricting their movements
Non-Physical / Coercive
Threatening behaviour that intimidates, scares, or leaves a person fearful for their, or someone else’s, life
Swearing, shouting and the use of offensive language
Behaviour that humiliates or degrades a person, whether in private or public
Taking control of a person’s identity and / or finances (money)
Taking away a person’s freedom, including their right to speak, their hobbies and interests
Siezing a person’s belongings such as mobile phones
Constantly checking a person’s emails and messages which can lead to physical violence
Destroying personal items and memorabilia, such as jewellery and photographs
Using someone else, such as a child, as ‘bribary’
Deliberately undermining a person’s actions / confidence
Domestic violence and abuse is a crime.
Even if you rely on the person abusing you for practical or financial support, or you worry about losing your home and access to your children, you should seek immediate help.
Taking the first steps to exit a violent and abusive relationship takes courage.
To speak to someone in confidence for support, information or an emergency referral to temporary accommodation, contact the free 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247 or visit the National Domestic Violence Helpline website.
You can also contact Victim Support, via its free Supportline to talk to someone in confidence, or contact your local Victim Support team.
Domestic violence and abuse can begin without warning. It can happen in any type of relationship regardless of social group, class, age, race, disability, sexuality or lifestyle.
Children are often silent victims. To witness, or be a victim of, domestic violence can seriously affect a child’s behaviour, health, performance at school and long-term future.
Some early warning signs that you are experiencing domestic violence and abuse include:
Becoming a lot more critical of yourself — thinking you are stupid or fat or made to feel very lucky to have a partner
You give up on your own opinions and think your partner is right about everything
You feel stressed or worried; you feel anxious, nauseous or have bad butterflies. Stress can also stop us eating and sleeping properly, as well as cause headaches and stomach upsets
You experience that ‘dreaded’ feeling more often
You’re scared of how your partner will react to a situation or something
You avoid saying something because you don’t want to upset your partner
You feel scared when your partner is angry because you can’t predict their behaviour
You feel a pressure to change who you are or move the relationship further than you want to
You have sex because it ‘keeps the peace’
You feel like you’re walking on eggshells
You are made to feel responsible and guilty for the abuse. Remember: Domestic violence and abuse is NOT your fault
You’re staying in more and seeing less of family and friends to avoid arguments with your partner
You try to end your relationship, but you can’t for fear of a violent reaction or coercive emotional one
Rachel has a wealth of experience in management consulting, investment banking and private equity. She holds NED and Trustee positions in the housing and international development sectors, plus an MBA in Finance from the USA’s Wharton Business School. She also gained a Chartered Institute of Management (CIMA) qualification whilst living overseas in Azerbaijan.
